


Blooming Day

by scumfuckflowerboy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Communication Failure, Flashbacks, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Idiots in Love, Insecure Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Insecure Mark Lee (NCT), Internalized Homophobia, Lack of Communication, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Needs a Hug, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Making Up, Mark Lee (NCT) is Bad at Feelings, Mark Lee (NCT) is a Mess, Markhyuck Summer Fight of 2017 (NCT), Mentioned SuperM Ensemble, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Sad Mark Lee (NCT), Time Skips, Unreliable Narrator, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scumfuckflowerboy/pseuds/scumfuckflowerboy
Summary: Think I've figured out howHow to think about you without it ripping my heart outI know, you know, we know, you weren't down for forever and it's fineWe weren't meant for each other and it's fineBut if the world was ending, you'd come over, right?You'd come over and you'd stay the nightWould you love me for the hell of it?All our fears would be irrelevantThe sky'd be falling and I'd hold you tightAnd there wouldn't be a reason why we would even have to say goodbyeDonghyuck knew he had fucked up 2 ½ years ago, but he really thought there were some things that couldn’t be broken in one night. He was wrong. Now his best friend is halfway around the world, Donghyuck is alone, and it’s all his fault.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic ever, so go easy on me, but I really hope you like this little intro chapter.  
> -E

He should feel used to this by now; the loneliness. The dorm is empty tonight. His Hyungs are out drinking, so he couldn’t come along. Even if he could, he thinks, he probably wouldn’t want to, and he’s sure the Dreamies would let him stay over, but he needs nights like these to himself to think, to cry, to scream, to curse over the only other person who isn’t allowed to go out drinking, the person who is halfway around the world right now and is probably having the time of his life.  
  
Donghyuck stands up from the spot on the couch he has sat in for the past couple hours trying to get his brain to shut off by watching shitty dramas. His legs feel shaky under him. He isn’t eating enough. He ignores this and drags himself into the bedroom he shares with mark. He thinks about getting into his own bed only for a second. This is always how these nights go. He cries himself to sleep in Marks bed. The Hyungs know that if they come to wake him up and he isn’t in his own bed, that they need to be extra gentle with him that day. Donghyuck hates being seen as that fragile, but his Hyungs aren’t wrong. He is fragile. He feels the cracks in his collected nature deepen further every day. At least Mark isn’t here to listen to him fall apart. It makes it worse to know that the person you love most in the world is right there, but too afraid to reach out.  
  
He has to stop crying, so he pulls out his phone and looks through the most recent videos that have been uploaded on the NCT YouTube channel. He clicks on one that he remembers filming. It is some sort of challenge, he isn’t really paying attention, what he is paying attention to is himself. He watches as even when the other Hyungs are trying to explain the challenge, he is clinging to Mark's side trying to get a rise out of him. These are the moments when he wishes he had even the slightest bit of self-control. Usually when these moments make it into the final videos, the viewers see Mark jokingly getting upset and annoyed with Donghyuck, but Hyuck can’t bring himself to see the part of mark that is joking. He looks so tired and it feels too real all of the sudden.  
  
Donghyuck puts down his phone and finds his gaze drifting over to his own bed. He wonders if mark missed rolling over and seeing Donghyuck in the bed next to him while they were in separate rooms. Hyuck missed it so much that he doesn’t like to sleep in his own bed when mark is away. It reminds him too much of those months of terrible sleep and salty tears he endured back in 2017. He can’t be gladder that they are in the same room again, at least he can get a goodnight sleep every once and a while, but part of him thought that moving back in together would mean they had grown up or moved on. The tension between them never left. The fear they both feel towards the other is still tangible. As the months of mark not being able to hold his gaze trudge on, the fear seeps deeper and deeper into Donghyuck's bones. Mark hates him. He’s sure of it these days, and he can’t blame him. Hyuck hates himself just as much if not more, because it wasn’t always like this. They used to represent comfort for each other. No matter how hard things got, Donghyuck always had a place in Mark's arms and mark in his. He ruined it. He took the closest friendship he’s ever had and crushed it in just one night.


	2. One Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I changed the title and decided to go all out on the tropes and stuff. I hope you like this chapter and thank you so much for reading!  
> -E

When Cherry Bomb was released, Donghyuck was riding a high that lasted weeks. His 17th birthday was just a few days earlier and the music video was gaining views at a rapid pace. Everything was going so right.

He was finding that everyday NCT felt more and more like a family to him and he was so content. Most of the celebratory dinners and “Parties” they would have at the dorm have since become a blurry mess in Donghyuck’s memories. He remembers this night and this night alone.

All of NCT was spread out throughout the dorm chatting, laughing, eating, and anything else they felt like doing that wouldn’t affect their ability to promote the next day. Mark and Haechan were a package deal back then. Looking back, Donghyuck sees how clingy he was towards the older boy, but Mark clung to him his fair share.

“Our little Haechannie is actually growing up…” Taeyong said from the end of the dinner table. They were watching one of their most recent TV performances before the food had arrived. now they were all gathered around the table eating like this was their first meal in months while Taeyong really seemed distressed by his new revelation. Donghyuck scoffed from his own place at the table wanting to protest that he was already grown up, but to focused on his current task of playing with Marks fingers under the table.

“oh god, what are we gonna do when he’s all grown up and can dress and bathe for himself in the mornings? What will we do with all that extra time?” Johnny mocked.

Donghyuck knew he was doing it to make fun of Taeyong and his maternal instincts, but the mocking of his age still made him pout. “guyyyyyys, Mark Hyung isn’t even a full year older than me and you never make fun of him like this.”

Mark let out a laugh next to him. “you’re really proving how mature you are by pouting over a joke, Hyuckie.”

Sometimes he really wanted to hit Mark. He looked over at Mark with what he hoped was an intimidating glare, but Mark just smiled even wider. Donghyuck looked down and continued tracing the lines on Marks palms.

“Yeah, Haechan, and we aren’t even making fun of you, were just talking about how we probably need to talk to the stylist Noonas about covering you up, cause the suns getting a little too hot these days for only having just turned 17.” The whole rest of the table seemed to get the joke because they all started to laugh. Donghyuck on the other hand just deepened his pout in confusion.

Mark squeezed Donghyuck’s thigh where his hand had been resting for the past like 20 minutes to get his attention and Donghyuck complied looking the other in the eyes with furrowed brows. “They’re implying that your sexy, Hyuck.” Mark deadpanned. Donghyuck felt his face and ears heat up immediately and he looked away from the older just as fast. He’d never heard his name and the word “sexy” in the same sentence, and the fact that it came from Mark made him feel funny. He picked up Mark’s hand from his thigh and laced his fingers with the elder’s. “Ah, gwiyeobda. all that talk just to get shy over a compliment.” Mark cooed at the younger, squeezing his hand tighter and ruffling his hair with his unoccupied one.

“Yeah, we are all just proud of our sexy pudu” Johnny seconded.

“ugh, its gross coming from you.” Donghyuck complained, scrunching his face up in disgust.

Johnny’s eyes lit up with mischief “Ah but it’s okay when Mark says it.”

“Hyuuuuuung” Donghyuck whined as his cheeks heated up, the rest of the room erupting into giggles and coos. Mark stayed silent next to him.

Johnny shrugged “Nah, it’s okay, Haechannie, we all know where your love lies. I should know better.”

Donghyuck didn’t even try to fight that point although he knew these sorts of topics made Mark feel uncomfortable. He thought that maybe he was supposed to be embarrassed or scared or uncomfortable like Mark knowing that his Hyungs were aware of his feelings toward his best friend (maybe not all of his feelings, but still) but in a weird way it made him feel almost giddy. Like what he imagines it feels like to bring a significant other to a family get together for the first time and seeing them fit in perfectly. He trusted his Hyungs so much and they were basically family already. It just felt nice to know that everyone knew. There was nothing to hide, they could just be and everything else would fall into place.

He really liked nights like this.

-

A couple hours and a few sneaked beers later, Mark was sitting in one of the lounging chairs in the living room talking with the also slightly intoxicated Johnny and Jaehyun, and Donghyuck was in the same spot he always was when he was tired, happy, tipsy and pliant. He was perched on Mark’s lap clinging to the older like a koala; legs straddling his hips, arms wrapped around his middle, and his face buried comfortably in Marks neck. There was nothing odd or uncomfortable about the position to them back then. That’s just how Donghyuck showed affection to the older. He felt safe like this, with Marks arms gently encompassing his waist.

Eventually Donghyuck had realized Jaehyun and Johnny had left and Donghyuck and Mark were left for the most part alone. After a few minutes of just enjoying each other’s company, Mark pushed lightly at Donghyuck’s chest, making him back away enough so they could look each other in the eyes. Donghyuck liked Mark like this, he was just so comfortable when spending time in the dorms with the other members. He would never have the confidence to be this close to Donghyuck and still manage to hold his gaze in the light of day. The world really only got to see rapper Mark and blushing, awkward, embarrassed Mark. This Mark was special and reserved for Donghyuck alone. It made him feel warm inside that even when he is completely invading Mark’s space and crossing every unspoken line that is there to cross, Mark still felt this comfortable with him.

Mark spoke in a low voice when he was like this, his words coming out slow and measured. “I know you don’t need my approval, But I am so proud of you and I just want you to know that.”

Donghyuck felt the shit eating grin spread across his face before he could stop it and he dove back in to hug Mark even tighter. He was so happy like this, and no matter what Mark said he did feel like he needed Marks approval. Mark started to push him away again, and Donghyuck complied but he kept the fabric of Marks Tee-shirt knotted in his hands, so Mark couldn’t pull away too far. He stared down at his hands as Mark spoke “Hyuckie…”

Donghyuck slowly lifted his gaze, only to find the fondest look in Marks eyes. Donghyuck loved Mark so much in that moment, he really did, and just for a second the look in Marks eyes let him believe that Mark loved him too, so it felt natural. His eyes tracing the plains of Marks face and landing on his lips was just what the universe was telling him to do. When he lent forward, let his eyes flutter closed, and pressed his lips to his best friend’s, he thought that the universe might have been on to something. Donghyuck’s lips were gentle and soft against Mark’s, the cherry Chapstick he used came in handy like that. Mark’s were rougher, but still gentle as their mouths started to move in tandem. Donghyuck’s mind stuttered to a stop. He was kissing Mark, his best friend Mark, the love of his life Mark, and he was being kissed back. After the quick pause he seemed to become 100x more present and he shifted in Mark’s lap. The older kept his hands loosely on Donghyuck’s waste, but as the kiss got more heated the younger let his hands trail up Mark’s body and land clutching the back of Mark’s neck, pulling him in closer, deeper. In response Mark’s grip on his waste tightened, making Donghyuck’s breath uneven and stilted. They had both kept quiet up to this point, but as Donghyuck’s fingers started to thread through Mark’s hair, the older let out a noise from deep in his throat. Donghyuck barely heard it over the sound of his own heartbeat in his ears. They pulled apart gasping for breath with flushed faces. Donghyuck couldn’t take his eyes off Mark’s disheveled appearance. “Fuck,” Mark let slip past his reddened, parted lips.

He was staring at where his hands met Donghyuck’s hips and wouldn’t meet the youngers desperate gaze. An unreadable expression spread across Mark’s face and Donghyuck’s gaze turned desperate for a completely different reason. “Mark?” He murmured, the doubt creeping in. “Mark, please look at- “

Footsteps could be hear getting closer from the direction of the kitchen. Mark pushed Donghyuck away, making him stumble on to his feet.

“Have you guys seen my phone?” Johnny sauntered into the living room. Both Mark and Donghyuck stayed quiet. A look of shock and confusion on the youngers face, and the older sporting one of blatant shame.

Donghyuck waited for Mark to say something. “No.” he said, voice weak and scratchy.

“um… all right.” Johnny said, eyes flickering between the two boys. “ill just…Ill just go.” He left the room as quickly as he has entered it.

Mark stood and started following the other, so forgive Donghyuck for panicking. “Wait!” His voice came out meeker than he had ever heard it. Mark stopped, not turning around to look at the younger. Donghyuck realized then just how lost he was after what he had done. What could he say? What could he do? “Minhyungie…please say something, you can’t just…you can’t just…” Leave? Break my heart? Kiss me back? It seemed impossible to have an ‘all of the above’ option with those three, but that’s exactly what Mark did. Donghyuck’s voice was cracking as the dread set in.

“Hyuck, this never happened, okay? I’m…I’m sorry but this can’t…we can’t do this. We’re both drunk” they weren’t, ”and…just forget it, we’ll pretend it never happened.” Mark stumbled over his words, but they still seemed so final, unnegotiable when Donghyuck turned them over in his mind, and just like that, Mark left.

Donghyuck expected a break down, a never-ending waterfall of tears that never seemed to dry. What he got was the feeling of ice in his chest. Like a brain freeze the ache would build and build until it felt unbearable and he feared his heart might actually break, just to wane again, letting him think that maybe he was okay and it wouldn’t hurt as bad next time, but he would run into Mark in the hall or the kitchen or they’d make eye contact from across the living room and every time Mark looked away the ache bloomed all over again.

The rest of the night was a blur for him, but the next day, reality came crashing back in. Mark was avoiding him completely. That night they both lied awake in bed, both too scared to speak, both too scared to let the other know just how affected they were by the things that had taken place. As the weeks went on, the two started fighting nearly every night. Donghyuck would beg Mark to just forget it and let things go back to the way they were, and Mark would try to convince him that nothing had changed. After about a month Donghyuck was the one who ended up apologizing. It was an apology born from exhaustion and heartbreak, but an apology none the less. The next day Mark asked to switch rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy, I said it was gonna be angsty, didn't I? sorry if this seemed kinda abrupt. I'm not really a filler chapter kind of person, also as I have been writing these chapters, I'm realizing how shitty I make Mark. I love Mark Lee! This in no way represents my feelings for him, he is a good boy. forever and always.  
> -E
> 
> P.S. as far as I can tell from my research as im sure a lot of you know, mark loves to just call Haechannie "cute" like all the time and once again as far as I can tell, he uses the word "gwiyeobda" to do that. I just had a very clear mental image and sound of him doing that and I thought a lot of other Markhyuck shippers would as well, so I thought I would include the actual word he always uses.


	3. Play By The Rules

2 ½ years later, Donghyuck hates to admit, he is still the same heartbroken 17-year-old in a lot of ways. He isn’t faking it when he has fun with his Hyungs or when he’s meeting fans, but when the lights go off and he can’t sleep, the wounds seem to open all over again.

  
The two youngest 127 members are on better terms now, nonetheless. Any resentment Donghyuck felt towards Mark has long since left him, being replaced by a self-hatred he only lets creep up on him on nights like these. In most ways, Donghyuck is very happy, and most of the time he doesn’t let his doubts get in the way of being who he is, but sometimes he wonders if he should let them get in the way. He looks back on shows 127 have filmed together, and he certainly doesn’t look at himself as being resilient for acting the way he does. He sees himself and sees a nuisance who doesn’t know when to stop. He’s used to his Hyungs acting annoyed with him, it’s part of their dynamic, but it makes it a hell of a lot more real when it’s Mark looking at him, obviously annoyed and exhausted.

Maybe it’s naivety, but even after everything that happened between them Mark is still Donghyuck’s favorite person. His person, full stop. He is reminded every time he sees him laugh, whenever he watches him do something absolutely idiotic, when they are with the Dreamies and Mark knows exactly what to say to make everything better, and it really makes him wonder: how can someone who is so kind and caring, break another person’s heart the way Mark did and not feel a thing? After years of wondering Donghyuck has inevitably found an answer to that question as well. It seems so obvious that it’s his fault. Mark would never do this to anybody else, it’s because it’s Donghyuck. the idea of them being together forever is so ingrained into his head from when they were trainees that parts of him are still convinced that Mark feels the exact same. Nights like these never fail to make Donghyuck terrified of ever knowing the truth. On nights like these Donghyuck feels like he already knows.

  
Before he really knows what he’s doing, his phone is in his hands and he’s clicking on Marks contact. It only rings twice before there is crackling on the other line and a groggy sounding voice echoes through. “Hyuck?” Donghyuck figured he’d be awake given his early rising habits and its obvious he caught him right as he was waking up. He has no idea when his sleep deprived brain decided to think this midnight call through this much, but he is at least glad he won’t be waking the other up.

  
“Hey…” Donghyuck’s voice cracked more than he would like.

  
“What’s up? Isn’t it like midnight there?” Mark genuinely sounded concerned for a second and it makes Donghyuck want to cry. Maybe he shouldn’t have called.

  
“Um nothing, I uh, I just wanted to see how things were going.” He definitely isn’t doing a good job of convincing himself, but then again Mark never needed much convincing to think that everything was okay. Mark can probably hear him crying on the other end of the call and Donghyuck doubts he’ll say a thing.

  
“Uh sure, things are going really well Hyuckie.” He almost sounds guilty.

  
“Good...I... I worry.” _What the hell does that mean?_ Donghyuck thinks. He feels like someone has taken over his body and is making him say the absolute worst things he could possibly be saying.

  
“I know you do, Hyuck.” Mark’s response confuses him just as much. He feels like this conversation is spiraling out of control.

  
“But you are good…” He continues anyway, saying it more like a statement than a question. He is trying to convince himself again.

  
“Yeah, the Hyungs are taking good care of me.” This clears up why Donghyuck feels like he needs to convince himself. The image in his head of his relationship with Mark is like looking in the mirror. He knows he could never go without Mark, and the part of him that, even after 2 ½ years, still hasn’t acknowledged the end of their friendship thinks that Mark still feels the same. He realizes he has been quiet for too long as Mark starts speaking again. “Is everything alright, Hyuck?” Donghyuck wasn’t expecting that, but he refuses to get his hopes up. 

  
He treats it like any of their other conversations recently. “Of course, it is.” He sighs.

  
“What does that mean?” _What is happening? Why isn’t Mark just letting it go? What game does he think he’s playing after all these years?_

  
“Really, Mark, it’s fine. Thanks for picking up.” He assures in an equally tired tone, preparing to fall asleep with the sting of unshed tears behind his eyelids.

  
“Wait, tell me what’s wrong.” Mark insists. This is incredibly out of character and Donghyuck doesn’t know what to say. The line stays silent as Donghyuck tries and fails to place this response in the limited categories of responses he expects from Mark. It’s never like this but Mark continues anyway. “I worry too, you know?” Donghyuck wants to vomit. He needs to stop this. Now.

  
He starts off saying what he planned on saying, but as his response grows longer, he feels himself lose more and more control over his tongue. “Nothing’s wrong, Hyung.” _Perfect._ “I just wanted to hear your voice and make sure you were doing alright.” _Not perfect._ “You’re my best friend, remember?” _What the fuck?_ Mark doesn’t seem to know what to say. Donghyuck’s rational side is equally as lost, but the part that is in love with Mark Lee and still heartbroken to this day knows exactly what it wants to say. “I’m still your best friend too, right?” _God, I'm such a fucking joke._ Silence.

  
“Hyuck, where is this coming from?” Mark asks sounding exasperated.

  
Suddenly Donghyuck doesn’t want to know the answer.

  
“I… Never mind, Hyung. I shouldn’t have called.” The conversation should be over now.

  
But tonight’s Mark is refusing to play by the rules. “No. Please, I want to understand.” It feels like he’s talking about more than tonight. “What is going on, why are you crying?”

  
He is officially off script. “I’m not crying” He definitely is. “I just…” What?

  
“What…” Mark voices for him.

  
“You’re my person, Mark.” Donghyuck likes to compartmentalize. The “part” of him that loves Mark is supposed to be separate from who he really is, but in moments like these, when he can’t use the script he’s written to keep things sorted, the pain gets overwhelming. Its not just a part of him anymore.

  
“Donghyuck…” Mark’s voice sounds like it is splintering and Donghyuck can’t take it.

  
“I’m not expecting you to understand, I just want you to know.” It’s the truth. He needed to say it. The Hyungs would just look at him with pity. This way he only pities himself.

  
“You’re right, I don’t understand.” He didn’t expect Mark to understand, but the coldness in his tone still makes the sentiment knock the air out of his lungs.

  
“Yeah, I figured.” _If he felt the same, he would understand._ He should stop here, but the waterfall has already started “I just want you to know that even if you think I’m annoying and rude, and immature and selfish. Even if you never understand me. I want you to know that if I had one day left on earth, I’d want to spend it with you.”

  
Donghyuck can’t really tell who the crying noises are coming from because they mingled so tightly in the shared audio, but there were noises on the other side of the call. “I don’t know what to say.” He hears Mark sniffle and he refuses to imagine Mark lee crying right now.

  
“I don’t think I know either.” It’s the truth. Donghyuck yawns. He isn’t sure if he’s just confessed to his best friend, or if it was just a normal conversation. Mark’s voice is unreadable and Donghyuck is exhausted.

  
More silence. “Um...you should get to sleep Hyuck. It’s too late for you to be up.” The change in topic didn’t do anything to help their situation, but it is still welcome.

  
His chance to run away again. “Okay. Goodnight, Hyung.”

  
And Mark lets him run “Goodnight, Hyuck.”

  
Donghyuck knows better than to run without giving a goodbye. “I love you.” He says like it means the exact same thing it meant when they were 13.

  
“I... I love you too.” Mark didn’t sound like his 13-year-old past self. He sounds like a man now. Donghyuck needs to get out of this call. He hangs up without another word. 


End file.
